Sometimes, whatever needs to be said is said so well that there is nothing more to be said… However, I’m going to try, anyway.

This article from Fortune Magazine comes to us via the good folks over at Yahoo ( I still remember when they were just little ‘ol yahoo.berkeley.edu, but that’s another story) recaps the 101 dumbest Business moments in 2007. We’ll give you the top 50, you’ll have to go to Fortune Magazine’s 101 Dumbest Moments in Business for the rest…

The 101 Dumbest Moments in Business, 2007

Monday, December 17, 2007provided by

Ah, what a dumb year it was! And that’s the positive spin on it. Consider the alternative. Like, if selling poisonous toothpaste to children isn’t dumb, what is it? If the constant slide and imminent collapse of air travel isn’t dumb, what then? If all the hyperintellectuals who created the subprime mess aren’t functional dummies, what might they be, huh? No, we’ll take dumb over evil, inept, and greedy any day. In fact, our hats are off to all of these, the absolutely dumbest of the dumb that the gods of fate and humor delivered into our laps—and yours—this past year. Thanks to each and every one of them!

1. That’s the good news. The bad news is that 2008 is the Year of the Rat. During 2007, the Year of the Pig, Mattel is forced to recall almost 20 million items made in China because of lead paint on toy cars and tiny magnets that could be deadly if swallowed. Lead paint problems are also found in 844,000 Chinese-made Barbie accessories and toys with the Sesame Street brand. Pet food makers recall more than 60 million cans of food laced with tainted melamine in wheat gluten from China. A huge underground distribution network for steroids, human growth hormones, and other bodybuilding drugs is traced to 37 companies in China. Chinese-made lunch boxes, given away by the California Department of Public Health to promote healthy eating habits among children, are found to contain lead. Nike recalls 235,000 football helmets because the Chinese-made chin cup has a defective strap and has caused at least two concussions and a broken nose. Ethylene glycol is found in Chinese-made toothpaste. The government of China executes the former head of its State Food and Drug Administration.

2. Thank God. We’ve been so worried since Lucky dyed his hair jet black and started listening to the Smiths. Eli Lilly wins FDA approval to put Prozac into chewable, beef-flavored pills to treat separation anxiety in dogs.

3. If she were your master, you’d need a lifetime supply of Prozac too. Upon her death, Leona Helmsley leaves $12 million to her white Maltese, Trouble.

4. Mission accomplished! In the first quarter of 2007, thanks to its $1.3 billion purchase of First Franklin Financial, Merrill Lynch becomes the world’s top underwriter of subprime mortgage-backed securities. Nonetheless, with the market in meltdown just a few months later, Merrill CFO Jeffrey Edwards tells analysts that the firm’s subprime exposure is “limited, contained, and appropriately marked.” In October, Merrill announces a quarterly loss of $2.24 billion after $7.9 billion in subprimerelated write-downs.

5. Payback is a bitch. In August and September, as his company is racking up the largest quarterly loss in its 93-year history, Merrill Lynch CEO Stanley O’Neal squeezes in 20 rounds of golf, including three rounds on three different courses in a single day. In October, O’Neal announces his “retirement,” walking away with a compensation package valued at $161.5 million.

6. Not so flush. Citigroup CEO Chuck Prince resigns after the company takes an $11 billion write-down.

7. Too bad nobody gave one of these to Chuck Prince. Japanese manufacturer Toto apologizes to customers and offers free repairs for 180,000 high-tech toilets— thrones that feature heated seats, air purifiers, blow dryers, and water sprayers—after at least three catch fire. “Fortunately nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out,” says a company spokesman. “The fire would have been just under your buttocks.”

8. Ooh, gross! A video clip showing hordes of rats in a closed-for-the-night KFC/Taco Bell outlet in New York City gets nearly a million hits on YouTube.

9. Ooh-la-la, gross! The French daily Le Monde calls Ratatouille, Pixar’s movie about a rat in a kitchen, “one of the greatest gastronomic films in the history of cinema.”

10. Election officials in Florida promptly order 5,000 units. Diebold tightens security after it is revealed that a simple virus can hack its electronic voting machines. Months later a hacker uses a picture of a key from the company website to make a real key that can open the company’s machines.

11. A touch of understatement. “I touched the delta tower.”— Captain John J. Cota, the pilot of the container ship Cosco Busan, after the vessel strikes the San Francisco–Oakland Bay Bridge and spills 58,000 gallons of diesel fuel from a 160-foot gash in its hull.

12. Deep doo-doo. The parents of two Florida toddlers sue Procter & Gamble after they are surprised to find images of their children on packages of Luvs diapers. The parents say they were paid a “nominal fee” at a casting call but were promised an additional payment if the photos were selected.

13. It’s a fat world, after all. Disneyland announces plans to close the “It’s a Small World” attraction to deepen its water channel after the ride’s boats start getting stuck under loads of heavy passengers. Employees ask larger passengers to disembark—and compensate them with coupons for free food.

14. Getting buff. The Fitworld gym in Heteren, the Netherlands, introduces Naked Sunday.

15. But officer, it was the Toy of the Year! Australia’s Toy of the Year, a bead toy called Bindeez made by Moose Enterprise, is pulled from stores after scientists discover that the beads contain a chemical that converts into the date-rape drug GHB when ingested.

16. And the Patricia Dunn Pretexting Award goes to … While working on an article about Microsoft, Wired contributing editor (and former FORTUNE writer) Fred Vogelstein receives a 13-page dossier about himself, describing him as “tricky” and his stories as “sensational.” The document, prepared by the company’s public relations firm, Waggener Edstrom Worldwide, as background for Microsoft executives, was sent inadvertently to the writer.

17. Quite a blow. After receiving a warning from the FDA, Redux Beverages agrees to stop calling its energy drink Cocaine. It changes the name first to Censored, then to No Name.

18. There will always be an England. A contributor to the website of the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds complains that he is being censored when a filter in the site’s Microsoft software automatically replaces the word“cock”—the common designation for a male bird—with asterisks. “As bird lovers will know,” he writes, “a Parus major is a great tit, and while a **** doesn’t get past the forum censors, tits do not cause offense.”

19. What Lindsay Lohan will be driving in ’08. New Jersey Superior Court Judge Joseph Falcone dismisses drunk-driving charges against a Zamboni operator even though he tests positive for alcohol. The judge rules that the ice-grooming machines aren’t motor vehicles because they are not street legal.

20. Oh, that explains it. “The police, since my trouble, have not worked out for me.”— O.J. Simpson, on why he took matters into his own hands to reclaim memorabilia he says were pilfered. He is charged with kidnapping and armed robbery.

21. Right back atcha … To build buzz for its animated show Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Turner Broadcasting’s Cartoon Network places electronic lightboards throughout Boston, triggering a bomb scare that shuts down two bridges, an expressway, a subway station, and a stretch of the Charles River. The devices depict a character from the show saluting passersby with an upraised middle finger.

22. That no-good Uncle Bertie is finally doing something useful. Co-op Funeralcare, a funeral home in Dunfermline, Scotland, says it is investigating reports that employees routinely used the cremains of the departed to keep passersby from slipping on icy sidewalks. “There’s every chance people living nearby will have walked through the remains,” an ex-employee says. “Some of them probably even inhaled them.”

Match Game, 40,000 B.C. Connect the Neanderthal with his shockingly unevolved deed:

Deed	Neanderthal
23. Refers to members of the Rutgers University women’s basketball team as “nappyheaded hos.”	A. HBO president Chris Albrecht
24. Allegedly punches and chokes his girlfriend while drunk at 3 a.m. in a Las Vegas parking lot.	B. NY Knicks general manager Isiah Thomas
25. Rains dollar bills down on dancers at a Las Vegas strip club, setting off a melee in which three people are shot.	C. Record producer Phil Spector
26. Is found in a sexual harassment lawsuit to have subjected an employee to unwanted advances and verbal abuse.	D. Tenessee Titans cornerback Adam Jones
27. Unveils a mind-blowing array of outdated hairstyles, each do creepier than the next	E. Shock jock Don Imus

Answers: a , 24; b , 26; c , 27; d , 25; e , 23

28. I mean, since there wasn’t any bloody ice on my bloody sidewalk … In an interview with a British rock magazine, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards admits to snorting his father’s ashes: “He was cremated, and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow.” A day later Richards denies the incident, explaining, “I was trying to say how tight Bert and I were—that tight!”

29. Faux de Cologne. Sonntags Zeitung, a Swiss newspaper, publishes a two-page ad for Gucci Eau de Parfum that turns out to be a hoax by a prankster who took a picture of himself posing naked next to a bottle of the high-end scent.

30. Remarkably, he has yet to be weeded out. In July, as Bear Stearns executives futilely attempt to prop up two hedge funds that ultimately collapse amid the subprime meltdown, CEO James Cayne spends ten of 21 workdays out of the office, playing golf and competing in a bridge tournament in Tennessee. According to the Wall Street Journal, his fellow bridge enthusiasts claim that Cayne sometimes smokes marijuana at the end of tournament sessions.

31. We’ll say this for Mr. Cayne: He clearly shares his primo stuff with the research department. In March, shortly after No. 2 U.S. subprime lender New Century Financial announces a major earnings restatement as a result of failing loans, Bear Stearns analysts Scott Coren and Michael Nannizzi write a research note on New Century. They argue that despite New Century’s stock having plunged 50%, to $15 per share, its downside risk is no worse than $10 in a “rescue-sale scenario.” Within a month, New Century drops below $1 a share, is suspended by the NYSE, and files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

32. Gimme some skin, dawg. Rapper Jay-Z, founder of the Rocawear clothing line, is taken to task by the Humane Society after it finds that the “faux fur” in jackets sold by his company is actually dog fur.

33. And we just thought our wives were really into oral hygiene. Lawyers representing Procter & Gamble send a 66-page cease-and desist letter to British sex-toy company Love Honey, demanding that it stop using images of its Oral B electric toothbrushes to promote a product called the Brush Bunny—a rabbitshaped piece of plastic that slips over the top of an Oral B to turn it into a vibrator.

34. G-strings and sweaty bald men sold separately. Summit Products of Trussville, Ala., introduces the YOUniverse Funk Fone, a working telephone for little girls that bears a striking resemblance to the footwear worn by dancers at Scores.

35. Who knew “M&Ms” stood for Meatloaf & Mutton? Masterfoods, the maker of Mars, Snickers, and other candies, abandons plans to begin using animal products in its chocolates.

36. Let the Best Buyer beware. The state of Connecticut sues Best Buy for setting up in-store kiosks set to a website that looks identical to bestbuy.com but lists higher prices than those they would actually find online.

37. … thus making our satisfaction complete. District of Columbia judge Roy Pearson loses a $54 million lawsuit against the owners of a dry-cleaning establishment that he claims misplaced a pair of his pants. Pearson argued that the cleaner committed fraud by failing to live up to the satisfaction guaranteed sign displayed in the shop. Four months later a judicial review committee votes against reappointing him to his post, finding that he failed to demonstrate “appropriate judgment and judicial temperament.”

38. Are you a moron? Click here now! To test Google’s ability to block harmful advertising, Belgian IT security consultant Didier Stevens posts an ad that reads “Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!” It is accepted by Google and displayed 259,723 times; 409 web surfers actually click on the ad.

39. Oh, for the love of … wait, you already said it yourself. British artist Damien Hirst, famous for such works as a tiger shark preserved in a tank of formaldehyde, creates the most expensive piece of contemporary art in history: a platinum human skull covered with 8,601 diamonds. Called “For the Love of God,” the piece is reportedly sold to an unnamed investment group for $100 million.

40. Oh, Manny, you’re soooooo handy. Young Comcast customers in New Jersey are surprised when a scheduled showing of Disney Channel’s Handy Manny— featuring bilingual handyman Manny Garcia and his talking tools—is replaced by hard-core pornography. A parent says she will cancel her Comcast subscription just as soon as the NHL playoffs are over.

41. What could be worse than porn for impressionable young minds, you ask? At a National Amusements multiplex in Holtsville, N.Y., an audience set to watch family film The Last Mimzy is instead treated to the opening scene from The Hills Have Eyes 2, in which a chained woman gives birth to a cannibalistic mutant.

42. They had such high hopes. Predicting a blockbuster, Pfizer introduces the diabetes drug Exubera, a form of insulin inhaled through a tubular device. It’s quickly dismissed as a “medicinal bong” by a prominent diabetic blogger, while the president of the American Diabetes Association, citing lung-function risks, says, “I see it as my job to talk people out of it.” Pfizer quickly gives up on the product, taking a $2.8 billion write-off.

43. Child abuse: It’s fan-tastic! The Toronto Blue Jays trumpet the arrival of designated hitter Frank Thomas with a TV commercial in which the 6-foot-5, 275-pound slugger—nicknamed “The Big Hurt”—is seen pillow-fighting with a small boy. He swings so hard he sends the child flying from the bed. Though the boy pops up unhurt, the ad is banned by the Television Bureau of Canada.

44. Another subprime stunt. A Bank of America branch in Ashland, Mass., is evacuated after it receives a fax with the image of a lit match being held to a bomb’s fuse. The fax, sent by the company to alert employees to an upcoming promotion, somehow comes through without its text, which should read “The Countdown Begins … Small Business Commitment Week June 4–8.”

45. We seriously mistrusted those sprinkles. Just one week after unveiling the world’s most expensive dessert—the $25,000 Frrozen Haute Chocolate, 28 cocoas infused with edible 23-karat gold served in a goblet with a diamond bracelet at its base— New York restaurant Serendipity 3 is shut down for failing its second health inspection in a month. Inspectors find a live mouse, multiple piles of mouse droppings, fruit flies, houseflies, and more than 100 live cockroaches.

46. And if those guys in Rome don’t stop using our logo, we’ll nail them too. Johnson & Johnson sues the American Red Cross for infringement of its trademarked red cross.

47. He’s also honest, humble, and nuttier than an organic fruitcake. “I like Mackey’s haircut. I think he looks cute.”— Whole Foods CEO John Mackey, posting under the screen name Rahodeb, on a Yahoo Finance stock forum. The Federal Trade Commission reveals that Mackey authored this and numerous other posts over an eight-year period, hyping his company and himself while trashing the competitor he hoped to acquire, Wild Oats.

48. They don’t call it the European Union for nothing. To highlight its role as a patron of the arts, the EU posts a mashup on YouTube featuring two dozen sex scenes from movies it has funded, followed by the line, “Let’s come together.”

49. The red-light district in Amsterdam immediately closed. A worker in a German screw factory smuggles out 2,000 to 7,000 screws per night, ultimately stealing more than a million units. He sells the screws below cost on the Internet, artificially depressing the entire screw market.

50. Makes you wonder what it would cost to ship a million German screws. Exploiting a flaw in a Defense Department purchasing system, South Carolina parts supplier C&D Distributors rakes in $20.5 million in shipping fees on just $68,000 in sales. The scheme is finally detected when a Pentagon clerk spots a $969,000 bill for shipping two 19-cent washers to an Army base in Texas.

For the complete list of the 101 Dumbest moments in Business, go to CNNMoney.com.

For the original article, please go here.